Yeah, this new Kid Rock album, it's not good.

Okay, alright, I know, I know what you're gonna say. Oh, Anthony, the new Kid Rock album, Halfway 2 Jesus, it sucks? Oh, I'm so surprised the new Kid Rock album is garbage.

Well, yes, in fact it is. It is terrible. It is horrible. It is everything you could possibly imagine it to be and worse. And you know what? I went and decided to listen to it anyway just to see what was up.

Especially since Mr. Rock did quite a bit of teasing toward this new album and era in his career, where he seems to mostly be doing Christian-themed country and country rock music with a little bit of funk and hip-hop mixed in for good measure.

And yeah, it really truly is trash and terrible. And you know what? Honestly, if you want a sense of what this record is all about, you really only have to start with track one. And the thing that's special about this track is it's this huge, showy, grandiose, gospel-flavored choral piece that's just huge beyond belief. And if you go on YouTube to listen to this track, the song, from what I can see, has already been automatically tagged as AI. Yes, off the bat, without knowing really anything about this record, it seems Kid Rock is just uploading straight-up AI-generated slop onto this record. Either that or not really doing too much to alter or change or add to the slop, just going directly from the slop bucket to the track list.

And believe it or not, this is not even the only track on the record like this. So again, before we get into anything too deep instrumentally or lyrically on this album, just let it be known: Kid Rock clearly does not really care all that much about what you are hearing on this record or the creative process behind anything in this track list. If he is literally frame one on the album, willing to subject his entire audience to a fake AI gospel group. And honestly, with how the rest of this record plays out, I kinda wish more of it was AI.

After this we have "James: 1.17 (Jesus Is King)," which kinda sounds like a crappier, more soulless, sanitized version of "Jeremiah was a bullfrog." But yeah, "James: 1.17," I can name one 17 that Kid Rock is also into. Mr. "Some say it's statutory, I say it's mandatory."

After this we have the song "7 Sins" with Lil Wayne, one of two very notable features on this project where Kid Rock has Lil Wayne rapping about how he didn't use any expletives in his verse. Wayne's vocals aren't even louder than the pianos in the mix. Why Kid had him on here to just be buried behind the other instrumentation, I don't know, but okay. Again, the guy's literally uploading AI garbage to this project. You think he cares about how these songs are mixed?

"Why Don't You Look Into Jesus" is another track that kinda sounds like a schoolhouse rock special, learning moment, but for people who come from a trailer park. Although that's not even an accurate assessment, because Kid Rock is merely just a rich kid cosplaying as a redneck. That is not his life or experience or background at all. But even more importantly, after this, we have an Eminem appearance on "Heal My Faith." A real lame-ass song that is all about how Eminem and Kid Rock are getting along despite their political differences.

Which I'm sorry, if you are able to get along with Kid Rock despite how stupid and ignorant and how much of a dumbass he is, I'm gonna be honest, I don't think you're that different from him. But here you have Eminem, weirdly sounding very AI-generated himself. Almost like he's doing a younger vocal delivery or flow style, from The Marshall Mathers LP or The Slim Shady LP era. And rapping about co-winky-dinks with some of the worst bars I've ever heard from him in a long time. And that's saying something because his latest material has not been great.

But I am aghast at the following "Water Into Wine" because, musically, this sounds like the fucking music bed to a shampoo commercial. What is going on? Is he trying to do a Jimmy Buffett thing here? Except worse? Because there's no sense of joy or whimsy in Kid Rock's music at all? And also, let it be known that thematically this track doesn't make any fucking sense in the record so far because you have numerous bars, numerous verses all about how you gotta quit drinking, put down the bottle, alcoholism's gonna ruin your life, turn yourself to Jesus instead. But this track over here is like, well, if Jesus didn't want me to drink and didn't want me to have fun, why would he have turned water into wine? Jesus wants me to be an alcoholic, according to Rock 3:16.

Then there's the title track, which sounds like a worse Christian-fried version of a Hootie & the Blowfish song, maybe more Booty and the Blowshits. That's disgusting, and interestingly, the song "I Don't Drink Whiskey Anymore" is yet another track that on YouTube had an AI tag. I don't even know if YouTube is accurately picking up all the AI on this record. Maybe Kid Rock is adding too much to some tracks for it to be purely categorized as AI, or maybe the music is all original, and it's so generic that YouTube is like, yeah, this must be AI just by virtue of it being so basic and boring and bland. Either way, the YouTube AI tags are not looking great for Mr. Rock.

Then the song "Me and Jesus" is all about how Kid Rock has a thing going on with the Lord, and it's something that nobody should get in between. What that something is, I don't know; is it a drinking arrangement? I'm not sure, because he's really going back and forth about whether or not he should be drinking.

There's also "God Is Good," which is six straight minutes of acoustic ass; it's meandering torture, with more grandstanding and proselytizing and Kid Rock's horrible, greasy, cigarette-caked voice. The whole album sounds like somebody with Marlboro Red breath just breathing into your face.

"Into the Setting Sun" sounds like kind of a Creedence or a Lynyrd Skynyrd ripoff. "Broken Hearted People" sees him trying to do a country funk thing with some weird synth bass that I swear is not farting – this synth bass is sharting. It's literally that gross and gurgly all over the mix. I can't stand it. I just skipped it.

"'Til You Can't" is an awful ballad that was debuted during that fake halftime show that right-wingers willed themselves into watching, except it didn't end up coming out under his actual name. He ended up keeping the Kid Rock name and releasing this record as Kid Rock, because nobody's gonna listen to this man release music under another fucking name. Kid Rock is all he has left.

And then, weirdly, after this, the album somehow gets stranger and goes downhill further, because we're going back to the song "Why Don't You Look Into Jesus" from earlier on the record, but now we have a remix of it. And it's nearly the same song, except this version sounds more like Three Dog Night is playing it. And it also says that it's a "RIRI Mix." You brought Rihanna out of retirement to remix this? Wow, I didn't know she had it in her. Shout out, Rihanna!

The song "High Road" is about how Kid Rock, even though people ridicule him and make fun of him, yeah, he's gonna take the high road. He's not gonna let any of the haters get his goat, no way. Cue the footage of him unloading a fucking magazine into a case of Bud Light because of trans people. Yeah, Kid Rock, famously a guy who always takes the high road.

And then after this, we have the song "Procession," and this is another track that got tagged with the AI label. But it, it gets even funnier than that; I'm gonna break a little bit of a review rule here. It's, it's almost never in the reviews these days that I play any of the music from these albums in the review because I don't want to get dinged for any copyright thing, but I feel like this is just too special of a thing to not put in this review in some capacity.

Again, if you're not going to put it in this video in some capacity. If you have not heard this album, and I'm not encouraging you to listen to this album, just imagine all these shitty, rockin', cheaply produced, corny-ass, country, funky rock songs that are just all Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And then in the midst of all that, or rather toward the tail end of that, Kid Rock decides he needs to break up the vibe for a kind of big finish, and he's going to do that with this:

What is this cheap-ass John Williams AI Slot bullshit? It sounds like the music from a documentary about whales. You're doing a country rock record about Jesus. This isn't fucking, montage footage of Shamu. I feel like I'm seeing the Brontosaurus for the first time. And again, AI tag on this song. Fucking AI!

Then after this, we have an acoustic cover of "God Bless the USA." You know the fucking song. Honestly, this acoustic version and Kid Rock's voice have become so shit over the years. It's just so terrible. It's so difficult to withstand. I never, ever, ever thought in my life there would be a situation where I was missing the original. Where I was like, man, that original, "God Bless the USA," that track had something going for it. This track actually makes me appreciate the original song, the original performance. I'm just absolutely floored at how far down into the dumps Kid Rock took this version of the track. We're going from him being on the high road to fucking Shamu music, to acoustic God Bless the USA. And yeah, also a re-remix of a previous shitty song on the record. That is Kid Rock essentially, putting a finger in your butt, kicking you in the teeth, pissing on you, and kicking you out the door as far as how this album finishes off.

I don't know if an album in 2026 has a worse, more awful, more unforgiving, get the hell out of here, one, two, three, four, punch to the face. On the way out the door, alright, yeah, this new Kid Rock album is not good.