Hey, everyone. Shorthony Formtano here, the Internet's busiest music nerd. I hope you're doing well.
I'm doing great. I took a nap. I got my coffee. I'm feeling large and in charge. And I'm ready to talk about the wild and interesting world of short form content. It's the new wave. It's a genre of content that I myself engage in. Although I will admit, a lot of the time, I feel like one of the only reasons I have anything to do with it in the first place is because it has been so impactful and influential in the music space.
In fact, there are countless artists, albums, and hit songs at this point that wouldn't be the household names that they are, if not for the viral trends that are cropping up within these short form algos, many of which I enjoy myself, and ultimately, I think it's a cool thing. However, because on any given platform, you are at the mercy of the algorithm, it's difficult to explore any of these trends organically, and I have to be absolutely real with you, no pun intended. I've pretty much given up on Instagram reels as a means of introducing me to any good, new, interesting current music.
Every single time I open the app, it literally gives me the worst music you could possibly imagine over and over and over and over. It's to the point where I'm actually not phased by trash mainstream music anymore. You may, in fact, hear a bit of a shudder in my voice because of how afraid I am of the music that Instagram reels show me on a regular basis. I am, in fact, terrified of the music that is just being posted to Instagram reels every day, which is why I thought I would come online here in this video and subject you guys to that experience, too.
What we are looking at here is literally the first thing that I have been hit with the moment that I open up reels on Instagram. From this point, we will travel together into the reels rabbit hole, and here's some of the stuff that Mark Zuckerberg has been torturing me with. Now, again, I have not listened to this clip in full. This is the first thing that popped up, literally the moment I opened Instagram.
And obviously, given the intro of the video and the first bit of text that we're hit with, we're about to be subjected to a song, presumably an original from an amateur, an up and coming artist, because I have no idea who this person is. Maybe he's world famous, maybe he's got a platinum plaque or two. I assume he's still trying to get his name out there since he's pitching his music on Instagram reels. So with that being said, let Let's give this song a shot and see what it's got.
"Met you once or twice more and now it feels like a relapse. I'm so addicted just relax. Huh. Yeah. Sometimes you're gone and I can't move, then you return and I'm brand new."
Okay, not the tweak in falsetto. Also, I love the self-assured like, "Yeah, ooh, yeah." This is pretty rough. Let's go further into the algorithm and see what else we've got.
POV: Your... your... God. Your a fan of Eminem/Logic, and this shows up in your feed. Okay, I mean, I suppose I do like some Eminem, and I do like some Logic. I mean, both of those things are true, but I don't think that means I should be subjected to the torture that you are about to put me through here, sir.
"Go off. Go off / They say I'm a show-off / I've been working day and day until this shit gon' to pay off / All of my life I've been out in the dark / scared of my own shit, I live in the dark."
That person's grabbing him and it's like, 'Please stop, man. Stop. Just stop rapping. Could you stop bouncing over my lifeless body and doing your little triplet flows.'
You interpolated the fucking Ice Cream Truck song? What are you doing? This doesn't sound like Post Malone or Green Day.
Let me know if my new song is trash, I'll retire. Okay. That's a lot of pressure. I don't know if I should decide if this guy should retire, but I guess we'll see.
"Did someone say creator? / He said, 'Here I am' / Did someone say savior? / He said, That's the plan / Did someone say Jesus? / He said, Take my hand / Jesus love me, this I know / For the Bible told me so / He wants to hit me long / But they are weak and he's strong."
The retirement thing, it's in God's hands.
If you compare me / I'm like Jack Sparrow in the sea The door is closed / Bro, no problem I'll fin the keys"
Pause. What is this vocal delivery?
"Born to be an artist / Bort to be a star / born to walk around Hollywood Boulevard"
😬
I wrote the most Savage breakup song using all 50 states. I suppose in concept, it's a creative writing exercise. Let's hear how the music sounds.
"When Idaho don't grow potatoes / Virginia don't support our troops / Colorado ain't that high / Indiana stops shooting hoops"
Okay, I got it. When New York stops eating pizza...
"You could call me a vampire / because when I'm around / only things with blood transpire / and I'm as scary as a spider"
Should I make this flow into a song? You know, it'll probably be better than most of the stuff I've seen so far, so why not? I'm giving it the green light. I'm giving it the go ahead. Let's do it. Let's go.
"So I never had car sex..."
Okay. Too much information off the bat. I'm going to keep going.
"I want somebody to tell me I'm pretty / I want to feel like I'm worthy of love / Look in the mirror, shouldn't feel so shitty / So tell me I'm pretty"
I'm sorry, buddy. Nobody's going to Rickroll their friends with this song. And I'm sorry, have we lost grasp of '80s pop and new wave and synth pop? We're just calling this style, this esthetic, this era of music, Rickrolls now. Rick Astley didn't die for this. He's still alive, but still, he didn't die for this.
"Too long that your girl been without it / She been looking for something real / but it's hard to find in this modern time / when it's... well, you know the deal / Too long that your boy been without it / He been looking for something true."
Okay, all right, all right. We're being a little bit too horny on main. I'm sorry, but I have to call a foul here because being this horny right off the jump on Instagram reels in the middle of the afternoon, it truly is foul.
"In the sheets, I'm a Danimals / I'm slurping up all the things."
No, no.
"Here's a rock song for all the bad girls out there."
Okay, all right, all right. Stop, stop, stop. All the naughtiest shorties are going to love this song.
"So come corrupt me over / put me under your spell."
😧
All right, this is going to be the last one because I don't think I could subject myself to much more of this. Jam Wayne over here is a guy who I'm actually very, very familiar with through my Instagram reels. My Instagram reels algorithm loves to show me his music, so we're going to check out this track, "No Problems", that I have not heard before, but it's apparently out on all platforms, so let's see.
"As the world on tilt / Everybody Leroy left / Had to put the south on drip / 'Bout this here, yeah / Bobbin' with the head nod / mobbin' in the streets out there / Let me make this clear / We some third-breds in the country / Blue contract and true / And if it comes down to it / Then you cross that line / To the red, white, and blue / Boy, you better salute"
All right, listen, even though, esthetically and philosophically, I just can't really get into Jam Wayne's particular brand of patriot trap. It's not my vibe. It's not my tempo. I will say vocally, flow-wise, production-wise, he is one of the more solid musicians who turns up in my Instagram reel. He does have a decent voice for rap. It's got a good tone to it. It's gruff, it's macho.
I mean, the delivery and the production style is a tad bit dated. He seems about 8 to 10 years behind the times a little bit, and I can't really hear his songs without wondering where he was on Jan 6th. But still, with that being said, this is definitely not on the more garbage end of the spectrum of what we've been exposed to today. So thank you, Instagram reels. But yeah, that's pretty much what my Instagram reels algorithm has been putting me through as of late.
So, yeah, let me know in the comments what you guys thought of any of these tracks that we listened to together. What's your favorite? What's your least favorite? You're the best.
Anthony Fantano. Reels. Forever.
What do you think?
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