Woah hey woah! Woahthony Heytano here, the internet's busiest music nerd, and it's time for a review of this new Jack White album, Frozen Charlotte.

Yes, here we have a brand new album from the one and only Jack White, Mr. White Stripes himself. Guitarist, songwriter, singer, producer, label head, the man wears many hats, and despite there being so much to do on his plate, he continues to build a robust and respectable solo discography, going from the pretty solid and palatable opening records Blunderbuss and Lazaretto, which somehow broke into the wildly experimental Boarding House Reach, which I liked quite a bit.

Then we had the unpredictable one-two punches of Entering Heaven Alive as well as Fear of the Dawn, two albums dropped around the same time with polar opposite vibes. And then with Jack's last album, which was dropped out of the blue with no proper title, has to be my favorite of his so far, and it's kind of the exact record been hoping he would drop for years. Just a straight-up, no BS blues rock record with a kind of garage-y, punk-y edge, really revisiting the vibe and the intensity of the White Stripes' glory days, cutting it down to the most rockin', direct, and riff-heavy bits.

And now, with Frozen Charlotte here, Jack White is following that record up pretty quickly, and the teaser tracks for the most part forecast a pretty similar experience. There was "Dollar Bill," a track that was packed with lots of fiery slide guitar licks, expressive drum fills, and some pretty dramatic bluesy buildups to low-key sections in between the more explosive spots. A versatile and dynamic track for sure. Then there was "G.O.D. And The Broken Ribs," which was maybe a bit too wordy. Jack has been on this thing as of late where he's been delivering these spoken word verses as if he's like a super charismatic circus ringmaster or an auctioneer, or at least he's been doing it a little bit more. And even if I'm not crazy about that per se, I still do think the guitar work on this track is killer, and I do lyrically enjoy Jack sort of retelling and revising the Adam and Eve story.

So again, with this record I very much expected something that was within the realm of No Name, especially since it really hasn't been enough time for Jack, I think, to conceptualize a crazy new direction. And, you know, I loved No Name anyway, so, you know, why not?

But if Frozen Charlotte is that, it's very much like a watered-down version, because it's just not the focused show of sheer force that record was for pretty much every minute of its runtime. The energy is a lot more scattershot, all over the place, or just lower. And for sure, there are some moments where this change feels at least a little justified, with detours and guitar work that are a little more experimental and abrasive, uh, stuff that I feel like No Name, with it being as straightforward as it was, just didn't have room for. Whether it be the track "Making Contact," which has these kind of scraped rhythm guitar passages with these on-the-nose lyrics ripping apart capitalism surrealism and kind of recategorizing art as content. There was also "Derecho Demonico," which has all these very jammy organ and guitar passages which are super abrasive and indulgent, freaky even, and believe me, I enjoyed it.

But for the most part, this record musically and instrumentally is way more predictable than it is experimental, if you're familiar with Jack White's musical history, that is. He certainly dropped more out-there and daring albums in the past, that's for sure, the recent past even. But again, given how great No Name as a more straightforward experience in concept would more or less be fine. That is, if Frozen Charlotte was anywhere near No Names' quality level, especially on the production side, because the recordings on this thing range from really subpar to downright terrible. Which, I mean, given Jack White's previous releases and just the access to resources that he has with his industry connections, his personal know-how, Third Man Records itself, there's just not really any excuse for.

Take a look at tracks like "There's Nobody There" as is "You'll Never Fix Me." Jack's vocals on these cuts are loud as hell, just absolutely smothering everything else going on, nearly. That is, except for the guitars, which are blaring and searing, but despite their volume, they have very little depth and body. They're kinda thin. And when you do get some lead and solo stuff, the EQ and the placements are a little out of whack.

Now, these issues could most definitely be balanced out with, like, some hefty or punchy or really well-EQ'd drums, but the drums sound like they were recorded with a single mic in a freakin' bathroom. And the bass is almost not there. If anything is catching the bass at all, maybe it's, like, you know, secondarily, with another mic just in the vicinity somewhere. I echo the sentiment of the track "I Can't Believe What I'm Hearing." Uh, same. A Jack White album this wonky? And a track with a chorus that sounds like it was lifted straight off a Queens of the Stone Age album?

I mean, tracks in the first half of this thing, like "Raising The Grain," are a little bit better, not by much. And while "Thick As Thieves" does have a pretty solid start, all the overdubbed solos and riffs toward the very end of the track are so frickin' loud in comparison with everything else on the song, it's comedic. Again, it's just baffling that the album sounds this bad, and I don't even know how much of it was really intentional, like Jack going into this record with the idea in mind that like, yeah, this is going to be a very kind of rough-around-the-edges lo-fi experience.

Because lo and behold, all of a sudden, with no warning, without warning whatsoever, as soon as we transition into track 10, "All Alone Again," we suddenly get a song and a recording that has a proper drum mix? You can hear all the drum hits now? And the recording isn't just slathered in ambient room noise? And it's frustrating, because a great deal of the songs that led up to this moment would have sounded a lot better did they get a similar treatment. But they didn't, and Jack just decided to put them on this record anyway, and place them shoulder-to-shoulder with track tracks that are actually engineered properly.

And again, this man is nothing if not methodical about the way his records are printed, about the way his albums are mastered and recorded and produced. Also, the color scheme of everything attached to this man's name — this dude's middle name is Anal Retentive. And yet, he drops this album where there are some tracks that sound like not a single EQ knob was touched.

So, "All Alone Again" does have a better sound to it overall compared to the rest of the record. I would also say that's the case for "She's in A Frenzy." The only thing holding that one back, though, is that I'm not too crazy about the tune. "Making Contact," I mentioned earlier, I do mostly enjoy. And then "Neighbors Blues," the closing track, is a somewhat lengthy and hefty, loose blues jam. Pretty straightforward chord progression on it, but it hits a great pace. There are these cool droning organ passages that add a lot to the track, too. It's an enjoyable ending, but a solid finish does not a great album make, because it doesn't make up for how inconsistent and, y'know, weirdly off-kilter the whole ride up until this point was.

So yeah, I'm just like very bewildered with Frozen Charlotte. It's definitely got some highlights on it, I cannot deny that, but given what Jack and his collaborators were able to accomplish with No Name, this record for the most part just kind of feels like what that album would be if it just couldn't get its shit together. Which is why I'm feeling around a light 6 on this one.

Anthony Fantano, Jack White. Forever.