Why

Hey. Hi. And hello, everyone. Anthony Fantano here, Internet's busiest music nerd. I hope you're doing well. I mean, I hope you're feeling good and that you're ready to feel even better. Okay, sorry, that was me trying to sound slightly sexy. Only slightly.

So I thought for a moment I would take a pit stop here on a topic in a post from the Fantano subreddit that caught my eye of me and Austen, an insane page promoting a soon to be Kickstarter for a tech product coming straight out of the world of music. It's called Groove Thing.

No, this video is not an ad. It is not an endorsement of any sort. I just thought what was being pitched here was supremely strange and it might be worth going over in like a Shark Tank-type style scenario discussion.

And, you know, you guys can let me know in the comments if this is something, if this is a product that you could see yourselves using, if you think it would brighten your life. Let's also see how quickly you guys can get a grasp of what this product is doing here.

So, yeah, Groove Thing. Seduce your senses. Music should be felt, not just heard. Lose yourself and be touched by music. With Groove Thing, the world's first internal music player, I think I have a vague sense of what that's like. I'm internally screaming right now.

Yeah. So scrolling down, here's the groove thing. And when I first saw this, I thought, lord, I hope that goes in your ear and it's just like big and blown up or something. But a tactile music experience transform your body into a concert hall...

Groove Thing translates music into physical touch, allowing you to feel your music as you hear it. Different-shaped sound waves create totally different sensations. Oh, boy. There's. There's a guitar sound wave and there, there's some drums right there.

So, yeah, here's, you know, the. The main star of the Groove thing, the resonator. Select your preferred attachment. Could we turn this thing into a dragon? I know there's some people who are into that. Select your preferred attachment, insert the resonator into your body, and you'll directly feel the music. No matter the genre.

No matter the genre?! You're telling me you could play some hardcore gabber on this thing or, I don't know, some field recordings, just those birds chirping in the wind blowing. We also have here the speaker, which you know, is kind of like the second fiddle to the resonator. Amplify your pleasure. A high fidelity Bluetooth nightstand speaker engineered for a blended oral tactile experience.

Yeah man. If I walk into someone's bedroom and the, the. The Groove Thing speaker is sitting on the nightstand, I know to run. I know to go.

Put this speaker in your head. Everybody. If you see this speaker in somebody's place, you gotta get out of there quick. Because halfway through foreplay, they're suggesting an idea, and you're not going to like the idea.

Feel each note. Each note and instrument generates a unique sensation in your body. Feel the difference between guitar strums, drum beats and bass drops. Feel key changes. Imagine getting like internal perfect pitch from this and you could tell when you know somebody's in an F sharp as opposed to, you know, a B flat.

There's also high fidelity sensation. And also it is compared to like having a third ear. You'll never hear music the same again. Yeah, that's quite the promise. And honestly might not entirely be a great thing for every musical experience you have after this point to be associated with this.

And now whenever you go to a concert or I don't know, you're anticipating the new Sabrina Carpenter track. You're like, ooh, I wonder what this song would feel like. Join the waitlist? Oh, I will. I will be waiting for this for forever. I only ever want to wait for, for this. I don't want it to happen. I will join only if you promise that I will be waiting forever.

Also, I like that the thing connected to the resonator is labeled as the puck. 'Hey honey, before we get started, can you hand me the puck? Oh, babe, where did I leave the puck? Is it under the bed?'

Yeah, past this, I'm not really sure what than sort of theorize on what artists and songs would sound absolutely insane on this thing. Be it any number of Swans tracks from the To Be Kind era. That's for when you're really looking to go the distance, you know. Also maybe a song from our boy Dax. He's got a lot of nice country trap ballads on his latest lp that for sure will go down very well.

While you're at it, why not experiment with some alternative time signatures. Some, I don't know, Rush, "Tom Sawyer", Dave Brubeck, "Take Five". You know, I think Suicide's Frankie Teardrop is an option if you're looking to put some fright into your night.

While I know that artists are well aware of the fact and for the most part fine with the idea of, like, their music being played during possibly personal or intimate moments. I mean, certainly there is a lot of music out there made with that sort of intention and vibe in mind. I mean, even on the front page of this whole thing, we have a, you know, a depiction of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On". I don't think that guy made that song thinking, 'oh, man, no one's going to get it onto this.'

But I don't know, as freaky as Marvin Gaye was here and there on some tracks, or even Prince, I kind of feel like doing this, turning the music of these artists into a masturbatory aid is a bit of an affront to what they did. And while, you know, ultimately they have no real control over whether or not people do this, I don't know if this is what they want or intended.

However, if this gets popular, I have no doubt that there will be artists who create tracks with this in mind, thinking like, 'oh, man, this is gonna go crazy on the resonator.' Definitely wish I could be a fly on the wall during a conversation about kicking someone off the aux cord on the resonator. 'Yeah, man, sorry. Gotta take the aux cord away from you. You just keep playing songs that scare the hoes. Nobody wants to hear Earl Sweatshirt's Some Rap Songs on the resonator, bro.'

But I mean, with that being said, maybe an experience such as this could change people's heart's and minds when it comes to certain songs that they think they don't like. Maybe Doechii's "Anxiety" goes hard on the resonator. You don't know until you've tried it.

But yeah, Groove Thing, what else is there to say?

What do you think?

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