Smash or Pass. You've all been on the internet long enough to know what this is, right? Do I really need to explain it? You're a bunch of sick perverts who are disgusting and reprehensible. I mean, just look at the comments you leave underneath my videos on a regular basis.

But unlike previous iterations of this game, if you want to call it that, what we're going to be doing today is smashing or passing on album covers. Not the artist who made the albums or the music on the albums, but it's literally the album art that fronts the records, and I think things are going to get weird. With that, let's smash or pass on some album covers.

King Crimson - In The Court of the Crimson King

Starting off strong here, apparently. Thank you, Austen. Giving them something big and classic.

We have King Crimson, In the Court of the Crimson King. Would I smash or pass on this album cover? I'm going to say pass. There are some people who seemingly would be into this. I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum, but fear has no place in my bedroom. Yeah, I'm not really sure I would get much from being looked at in this way or doing anything that would instill this reaction.

However, if we were to explore the entirety of the In the Court of the Crimson King album art. We also have that funny little smiley guy with the sharp canine teeth who's looking like a planet with the two hands. That guy, that's a smash.

Weezer - Blue Album

All right, what do we got next? Number two, Weezer - Blue Album. Honestly, I'm also going to say pass on this. I'm saying pass on Weezer Blue Album. Just absolutely rancid, awkward vibes pouring off of this album cover. Negative rizz, zero aura. I can only imagine one or all four of these dudes approaching me just being like, Hey. It's just a no for me.

The Beatles - Abbey Road

All right, damn, I'm saying Smash. Yeah. I'm saying smash on this. This is the exact opposite to the Weezer Blue Album cover. This is the yin to that album's yang. Here, conversely, we have action, we have motion, we have max-rizz, we have top-tier aura.

Also on top of that, we have way better outfits. I mean, George Harrison in the total denim get-up, John in the loosely hanging white suit, and Paul giving up the dogs with no shoes on for free? Why don't we do it in the road? We are smashing on Abbey Road.

Madness - One Step Beyond

All right. Okay. Wow. I mean, jeez, this is a... This is a Smash. I mean, do I even need to explain it? They're already in position. And also it's a Madness album. What is this? Some like, ska human centipede? I mean, it's really my choice. Do I get at the front of the human centipede? Do I get in the back? It all depends on your personal preference there.

The Velvet Underground & Nico - Self-Titled

Okay, moving on from there. I'm going to say Smash. Once again, we're saying Smash. I might have a bit of a preference, like with some strawberries or apples or grapes or something like that. But I mean, a banana? A banana is no stranger to the bedroom.

Ween - The Mollusk

All right. Ween, the Mollusk. I think I'm just going to have to say... I'm going to have to Pass on this.

Yeah, I'm not into furry stuff or whatever the equivalent of that is for fish. I'm not a big ocean guy, generally. Swimming in the ocean, eating things from the ocean. I like lakes and streams and rivers and that thing. But the beach and stuff having to do with the beach, it's just not very sexy to me. I'm just not very sexed up about the beach and about, again, the ocean, the saltwater, the smells.

Honestly, I don't want to know you if you would smash on this. Do not show up in my comments. Do not show up in my life. We are just on total opposites of the spectrum, and we can never see eye to eye on anything.

Big Bear - Doin Thangs

All right, next. Big Bear, Doin Thangs. Just a boy and his bears. It's a scenario that I'm not necessarily against in concept.

Yeah, I'm not into furry stuff, but all the cigars, the smoking jackets, all that, it's just really not my vibe. It's just very slimy and douchey and that thing. It's just really not conducive to the context in which, personally, I would feel comfortable. I'm just really going to have to Pass on Big Bear.

As funny and as entertaining as this album cover is. I mean, look, it's cool. It's dope. It's classic. It's influential. It's incredible. It's viral for a reason. It has a time and a place. But in my opinion, smashing is just not that time or place. We're doing things, and there's many a thing I would do, just smashing is not one of them.

Bladee - Icedancer

Okay. What am I even looking at? I mean, look, I know it's Bladee, and I understand the vibe, and I understand the energy, but this is just too abstract. I feel like I'm looking at a biblically accurate goatse.

Staring at this, I get a lot of feelings, and I have a lot of reactions. I do admittedly get a lot of stimulation from it, but not turned on. I'm going to pass.

Death Grips - Year of the Snitch

Okay, this could be a smash. I would just have to be really frigging drunk, wasted to the point where I wouldn't remember whatever I would do in this scenario. This is a dream. Sober, this is a nightmare. So I would say maybe smash, depending on the context, and we'll leave it there.

Jim O'Rourke - Halfway to a Threeway

Look, given that Austen put this together, of course, we're going to see a Jim O'Rourke cover in here. So I mean, I probably should have expected that.

Yeah, I'm going to have to pass on this, too. This is just giving like, just very friendly, very innocent. It's just not really hot to me at all.

Weezer - Hurley

Hurley, we are smashing. If there's one thing we are not on this one, it's Lost. No way I'm Lost on this one.

Queen - The Miracle

Look, the idea of group stuff has always been interesting and titulating to me. It's not anything that I'm ruling out per se, obviously, considering what I was saying about Abbey Road earlier, but not like this. No, not like this.

Can - Ege Bamyası

Next. Damn, we're going one man, one can. I mean, I could see it, but only because it's okra. If it were anything else, like can pees, can mushrooms, can corn, that thing, it would be an instant no.

Can of okra, it's going to be a smash. I would smash that can.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor - LIFT YOUR SKINNY FISTS LIKE ANTENNAS TO HEAVEN CD

Okay, moving on. Hand stuff. That's going to be a smash.

We are smashing on hand stuff. We are smashing on hand stuff.

Butthole Surfers - Independent Worm Saloon

Yeah, weird two-eye thing with sharp little teeth. It looks like it would, I don't know, inhibit your intestines and eat all of your insides. I mean, maybe if I was more into vore, stuff like that.

But I'm just going to have to say a pass on really anything having to do with worms. Just worm anything. If it involves a worm, it's not my turn.

Cal Chuchesta - The New CALassic

Oh, didn't expect this one coming.

Okay. Yeah, I'm going to have to say pass. It just hits too close to home.

I'd have to be even drunker than the Year of the Snitch album cover, honestly. So we're going to pass on this. This is going to be a big old pass.

Jason Lescalleet - Songs About Nothing

I feel like I don't really have an answer for this. I'm not really being given an option. I mean, what am I smashing here? What What is there to smash? It's Brat Green. We could say that. But again, even if I do say smash, what am I even saying smash to? I feel like I've been deprived of an option here. This is not a real choice.

Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band - Trout Mask Replica

Oh, Jesus Christ.

In order to smash, I have to be comfortable. Comfort is a top-tier necessity. Trust, comfort, communication, understanding, symbiosis, intimacy. And there's always been something deeply harrowing and unsettling to me about the Captain Beef, Trout Mask Replica album cover.

In fact, it would be my personal hell. It would freak me out to no end if, let's say, I died and I didn't get into heaven, and then for the rest of eternity, I was just doomed to be locked in a room with somebody dressed exactly like this, and all they're doing on the other side of the room is just freaking out while dressed like that with the drought mask on. You can't take it off and you can't communicate with them. There's no getting through to the person. They're not really doing anything bad to you or even really interacting with you physically in any way. They're just freaking out and being crazy and getting in your face like, that would put me so on edge. I would be shitting myself.

So, yeah, that's a nightmare. That's a total and complete nightmare. I'm going to say pass on this. I'm sorry if you feel differently.

Himiko Kikuchi - Flying Beagle

Okay. What?

Yeah, I'm going to have to say pass just on any general animal stuff. I mean, that is a cheeky beagle, though. I do love a cheeky beagle. Bro is just sitting there thinking things, having thoughts, having revelations, being like a sly little guy.

I would pet this album art, but would I smash it? No, probably not. I'm going to pass on that.

Kanye West (Ye) - Yeezus

And finally, oh, yeah, no. I mean, if I pulled that CD out, no way is my meat fitting through that thing. That's not happening.

Well, it is with that, that we say, Smash or Pass? We smashed, we passed, and I got to go fast? I don't know. I'm just trying to finish this thing off with a rhyme. That seems like the professional thing to do, or really the only thing to do after the trauma we just shared.

So make sure to tell me what you were going to communicate to your therapist in the comment section. I want to know how exactly you're going to work through all of this in your next mental health sesh.

Anthony Fantano, album art, Smash or Pass, forever.