Hi, everyone. Whythony Sicktano here, the internet's busiest music nerd. It's time for a review of this new The Dare album, What's Wrong With New York?

Here we have the debut full-length LP from Harrison Patrick Smith, singer, producer, multi-instrumentalist, songwriter under the name The Dare. One of my most anticipated albums of this year so far for several reasons. For one, the hilariously witty and aroused viral single that was popping off not too long ago, "Girls", which sounds like a song that LCD Soundsystem's James Murphy would write if he were just so incredibly horny. There was also the very enjoyable "Sex" - both of which landed on a recently released EP that has an eyesore of a cover, Jesus Christ.

But yeah, given the vibes and the most successful track so far, it's hard not to presume that Smith would, from this point, just spiral into obscurity as an LCD sound system with just a really big hard on.

However, the Dare's visibility just escalated from here, not only with a signing to Republic Records, but also a pretty massive production credit on one of the biggest tracks from Charlie XCX's Brat album cycle, "Guess", a song that had not only a music video that featured him, but a Billie Eilish remix, for Christ's sakes. It doesn't really get bigger than that.

But again, even this track still feeds into this reputation as somebody who just makes titillating, aggressive dance anthems. I mean, even the first and most talked about proper single from this album, "Perfume", has erotic undertones to it.

Now, look, I don't draw all of these LCD parallels to diminish Smith's creative efforts. I mean, after all, "Guess" and "Perfume" are two of my most fun tracks this year. Plus, I mean, in the promotion of this album itself, this whole New York indie sleaze revival thing is an angle that has very much been embraced. Just look at the title of this record. It's a really ballsy move to pick something that would make you sound like some dime square DJ legend, when in reality, Smith has only recently relocated to New York as the Dare, when previously he was releasing music under a different artist's name in Portland, of all places, which - sure - might be a petty thing to highlight, but ultimately, I think it does play very significantly into the fact that this whole revival thing here isn't much of a revival at all. Ultimately, the aesthetics, and I think even Smith's understanding of this era of music and where it comes from, why it comes from this place, what inspired it, it doesn't really run that deep.

Because look, an LCD Soundsystem comparison or parallel in a new artist's music, I think, is not a bad thing. I mean, in my opinion, LCD is one of the best bands of the modern era. I genuinely think James Murphy's songwriting and production style is ripe for a comeback or resurgence of some sort. Because it's not just weird spoken word bits over raw and rugged electro beats, as there's also funny and witty cultural commentary in there, and an ocean of ingenious musical Easter eggs and references that pull from everything to the most obscure post-punk and techno singles out there you can possibly find, to some of the best and biggest anthems from Bowie and Talking Heads. The decades James Murphy spent as an avid record collector and DJ clearly had a profound impact on his songwriting process. And sadly, the Dare on this record doesn't feel like he's working from that rubric at all.

At best, what we get on this album is just a pale imitation of a series of imitations that we're already getting from LCD. But this time we just have a narrower approach to lyrics and melody and instrumental palettes. The singing as well. In fact, I would actually say I don't really feel like the singing on this record is all that representative of James Murphy's style, as I feel like it has more in common with this very shouty, flamboyant vocal delivery that was very prevalent with a lot of dance punk bands at the time, be that Death From Above 1979 or like, Does It Offend You, Yeah?, and many, many, many more.

I mean, that's pretty much the song "Good Time" in a nutshell, and that's handily one of the better tracks here. But I can also say that I don't think Smith shows much vocal versatility beyond this as he one-dimensionally clings to this singing style for dear life on one track after the next and stales it out to the point where it serves as a reminder of why this type of singing went out of style in the first place, most notably on "You're Invited" as well as "All Night". But yeah, sadly, as an album, even with this thing being as short as it is, it's not that gratifying. With just 10 tracks, 27 minutes of run time, clearly, Smith is not trying to go above and beyond or take us on much of a dance journey with any of these groups.

He completely fails to prove he's not a one-trick pony on this record as pretty much any song that drifts away from the aesthetic and lyrical appeals of "Girls" or "Perfume" falls flat on its face. I mean, the two attempts at ballads that Smith makes on this record are two of the most tedious listens that you will have this year. Those would be the tracks "Elevation" as well as "You Can Never Go Home". I would pull these songs apart, but I feel like in the latter of the two, Smith explains himself why they are so weak: "Sometimes I only sing one note / Yeah, sometimes I steal what others wrote." Yeah, he does literally say that, even if it is like, ironic. I mean, the irony thing doesn't work as well when there's maybe just a bit too much truth to the joke.

And while I do think the sexy ragers peppered throughout this tracklist are a bit more fun in comparison, some of the lyrics read like something that a lot of people would post and make fun of on the IHaveSex Reddit.

Unfortunately, the biggest bangers on this thing we've already heard as singles, with the one exception being the track "I Distroyed Disco", which does genuinely have some great production behind it with lots of throbbing, gurgling bass, braggadocios lyrics that are genuinely charismatic and humorous.

But for the most part, though, the Dare's 2000s New York aesthetic imitation thing is just as hollow as the cheap suit, sunglasses look that he attaches to it. If there's really any hope for Smith and the Dare creatively past this point, we're going to need him to really build on what was presented here with more interesting song structures, better lyrics, a superior sense of melody, and a host of other things.

But those should be prioritized, as I feel like this record is just barely passable but not repeatable outside of a handful of songs, which is why I am feeling a strong 5 to a light 6 on this one.

Anthony Fantano. The Dare. Forever.