Hi, everyone. Methony Metano here, the internet's busiest music nerd, and it's time for a review of the new Taylor Swift album, The Life Of A Showgirl.

This is the 12th full-length studio album from, I guess, the biggest songwriter on the planet, Ms. Taylor Swift. What can be said about Taylor Swift that has not been said a million, bajillion times already, or would even be widely agreed upon by everybody.

Continually, I find the strangest thing about Taylor to be that there is just so little agreement on her despite her immense fame and exposure. She's almost like a Rorschach test for pop fans at this point, I would say, because not only are there just such vastly different reads of her and her music in terms of if it's good, if it's not, if it's deep, if it's shallow, so on and so forth, but often many of these takes say more about the person giving them than Taylor herself.

One thing is for sure: wherever Taylor and her music goes, some debate is sure to follow. I will give credit where it's due and say that the past five years of her career have just been masterfully played in terms of her output, her accomplishments, and her ability to engage and enthrall her audience.

Not only did you have those pandemic era indie folk sister albums, which, in my opinion, were the creative highlight of her career thus far, but then, in addition to that, there was also the massively successful Eras Tour. Let's not also forget, she was rerecording and rereleasing all of her older records in order to have master's copies of those albums that she fully owned, only for her to have recently bought all of her masters back anyway.

Then also, also, also, also, she was still dishing out new album cycles, too, between Midnights as well as the very lengthy and massive Tortured Poets Department. Both divisive albums in their own right in her catalog, but their commercial success cannot be denied, so even if they weren't strokes of creative genius, they most definitely showcase strokes of marketing genius.

So Taylor is truly at a point right now in her career where she is really just operating with cheat codes on. She can truly just do anything she wants, just because. But, despite everything currently coming up Taylor, it does seem that she is trying to do her best to give her fan base a highly-demanded reset of sorts with The Life of a Showgirl.

How is she doing that? Well, first off, she is cutting the fat, basically throwing away the endless sprawl and lengthy runtimes of projects like folklore and evermore together, as well as the Tortured Poets Department, which, if you remember, pretty much got extended out to two full albums with the Deluxe Edition. This project is also in its own way a departure from the sonics and instrumentation on Midnights too, because, at least for now, Taylor is moving away from her tried and trusted producers, Jack Antonoff as well as Aaron Dessner, as a lot of fans seemingly had an increasing distaste for a lot of the very moody and airy and low-impact instrumentals they were bringing to the table. She has decided instead for the life of a showgirl to team up once again with Max Martin and Shellback, production legends who were there years ago when Taylor was essentially making her first transitions from the world of country to pop music.

There's also the matter of the title and messaging and the album rollout and the tracklist of this record, too, which made it pretty apparent from the outset this record, in some measure, was going to be an analysis or commentary on Taylor's fame, her life in the limelight, the public image shift she has foreseen in recent years, maybe also recent controversies, and elements of her life that are under the magnifying glass now, like her relationship with fiancé Travis Kelce. Maybe even ways in which her name has been forced into the world of politics. I mean, it was as recently as August that the President was "truthing" about this woman, talking about how she's a woke singer and no longer hot and how he can't stand her, which is an insane thing for a pop star to have to experience, even if it is this President.

But from the start of this record, it's clear that Taylor has something much more personal in mind, as the opening track ["The Fate of Ophelia"] here is about, yes, a relationship, which may, for Taylor, be a typical topic, but is it a typical angle? No, because in Taylor's relationship tales, she's usually a power player, or if she is feeling screwed over, she's boldly asserting her side of the story. But now, in this instance, she is depicting herself as essentially having her life saved by Travis' love, because if he did not love and care for her, she would befall the same fate Ophelia did after Hamlet rejected her. I mean, let's also not forget that he merc'd her dad, too. That's also pretty bad. But yeah, it's a very "if not for you" perspective that we don't often hear from Taylor.

This is a shift, narratively, that she acknowledges in at least one line on the song. But still, it is a significant change. Regardless, though, I do enjoy this opener quite a bit because I do think the hyperbole going on with this track does play into the idea of an album called The Life of a Showgirl. Things are going to be hammed up a little bit, possibly.

In addition to that, I like the production on this track, too. It's very punchy, elegant pop music with refined arrangements that have a bit of an orchestral touch to them. So don't go into this album presuming that just because Max Martin is in the mix, we're going to get another synth-heavy, indie-fied set of metropolitan bangers because that is not what this record is. This is very much clearly not another 1989.

Comparatively, I would say this track has more in common with a Florence + the Machine song, but just a little lighter and not so over the top. I would say at this point, too, vocally, Taylor is still exhibiting a lot of Lana Del Rey influence. She just cannot let go of the impact that woman's sound and singing has had on her. But at least this time around, she's doing a slightly better job of owning it in a way, to where it doesn't feel like she's just doing an imitation.

In addition to this, I would say a lot of these same elements are present on the following track, "Elizabeth Taylor", but they're turned up to 11 with bigger drums, grand piano touches, strings, and shoutier vocal passages, too. There are really cute lines as well, like, "Be my NY when Hollywood hates me." The track, for the most part, seems to very much be about how love and fame intersect for her, while also addressing her potential shelf life as a public figure.

Following this, we have "Opalite", which I would say is another highlight on the album, contributing to a pretty strong first leg. The verses on this track, read with the same groovy soft pop rock instrumental palettes that you might catch on a Fleetwood Mac classic. But then it bursts into this jubilee of '60s, girl group, vocal harmonies. Big contrast, but simultaneously, Taylor and her collaborators somehow make it work.

They've really modernized this sound with sequenced drums and digital reverbs that make all the instrumentation sound real star-y. Overall, it's one of the more toned-down songs in the tracklist here, but still, it's smooth and catchy nonetheless, and a welcome change from a lot of the turgid and tedious pacing of many songs from Tortured Poets.

But Showgirl, as direct as it is, is not entirely a simple listen, because Taylor very quickly in this tracklist begins to complicate things a little bit with some very strange messaging and points of view. Like on "Father Figure", which is another number that does stick with me, honestly, instrumentally and melodically. I do think it's quite the earworm. I also appreciate how the drama of this track fits in with the aesthetics and the overall mood and vibe of a showgirl album. On some level, it does feel like Taylor is a little in character, as to me, this song reads like the act of putting on a mask so you can get away with saying the things that you actually want to say. As on this song, Taylor is very much playing out a bit of a power fantasy, talking about some protégé who she pings as reminding her of a younger version of herself.

But deeper into the song, the lyrics talk more about Taylor's own character than this person, portraying herself as this very benevolent father figure who protects the family and is guiding and helping this person, and all they ask for in return is that they are loyal.

And while at first this figure comes across very nice and very understanding, I mean, still, the way this operates, it's still very cold-blooded. It's business-oriented. It's his way or the highway. It's actually maybe a little Trumpian, especially as she drops lines about how her dick is bigger. And also, "You'll be sleeping with the fishes before you know you're drowning"?

So yeah, there are elements of this track and this character that are unhinged. And, as catchy as I think the track is, parts of it do skeave me out because there are elements of it that feel like it comes from a place of sincerity.

But for as much as I have some light criticisms for that song, the album begins to take a real serious nose dive into "Eldest Daughter", which musically is like your stereotypical millennial somber piano ballad. Taylor really retracts the claws on this one and instead portrays herself as somebody who is just overcome with sadness because of how dark and cynical the internet is, with lines like, "Everybody's so punk on the internet / Everyone's unbothered 'til they're not / Every joke's just trolling and memes / Sad as it seems, apathy is hot." And not that these feelings or observations are completely inaccurate, but it's more of an issue of the messenger versus the message.

Because I mean... you're Taylor Swift. You're not the lone, bleeding heart in an ocean of trolls and haters. The way that you operate in the world and present yourself is just as calculated as any of these haters who are trying their best to act like they don't care. In fact, Taylor does exactly that deeper into the album, which we will get to in a bit, I guess. She doesn't even live up to the portrayal that she gives herself on this song.

To further add to the disconnected fantasy world this song exists in, you have lines like, "I've been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness/ I've been dying just from trying to seem cool." I'm sorry – I get indigestion just thinking of saying that line. "I've been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness"? Do you have four months left to live? What stage is this terminal uniqueness? Has it gotten into the lungs?

After this, we have "Ruin the Friendship" which, more like, "Ruin the Song"! I mean, it's not the most unique pop songwriter song out there for sure, but if you like some old-school Taylor Swift or some Jewel, you'll at least find something in the very personal and tragic story this song has to offer, as the track is all about a high school crush, the nostalgia, the imagery, and the tension of wanting to kiss this guy. But then, suddenly, he passes away in an absolutely, genuinely heart-wrenching moment.

But then, Taylor's takeaway and advice from this point forward, given that fact, is, you should have made sure that you made out with him anyway? Like, the relationship status in the song is a bit muddy, and I would hate for someone to take the wrong message away from this track and think, I should just wantonly try to steal other people's girlfriends and boyfriends because who cares? It's better than living with the regret of having not made out with them in case they die???

Following from here, we have more low points, like with the song "Actually Romantic", which is a pop rock number with a very tried-and-true chord progression that, believe me, you've heard a million times. But sadly, the performance on this track never really truly rocks. It just stays thin and stiff the entire time, even as the drums are at full capacity – full capacity for this song anyway – which is unfortunate because, I think, if a track this snarky and this unhinged is going to pulled off effectively, Taylor should really just be going full on into this feeling and this response here.

And don't give me that bullshit about how Anthony, she's supposed to be acting nonchalant on the song. I'm sorry, you're writing a response to somebody. The nonchalance is out the window. You are totally and fully giving a care, and you're literally dropping lyrics about how this person's obsession with you makes you wet. Go crazy with it. Go insane. Go over the top. Get unhinged.

There are currently a lot of allegations around the internet right now, proposing that this song is in fact about Charli XCX because maybe the song is Taylor picking up on the meaning behind "Sympathy as a Knife" from Charli's last record, Brat, which, if Taylor is the person Charli is singing about on that song, it's not a diss. It's not an insult. It's not an anything. Charli is singing about somebody who is a source of insecurity for her, which, if that's you, Taylor, you are merely a placeholder in that situation, I'm sorry. Anybody who reached a point of success that you did in that dynamic would be a source of anxiety and insecurity for Charli in that song. Again, if people are supposing that this is about Charli, they're correct.

But yeah, if Taylor was going to write a response to somebody about someone who is seemingly obsessed with her and has negative things to say about her behind the scenes, and she was going to call it out in the way that she does on this track, I just wish she actually drummed up some fireworks in the process instead of releasing a song that essentially feels like a tweet.

After this, we have "Wi$h Li$t", which sonically is a fine cut. It's got a very cute chill, shimmering beat with chimey synthesizers that give an almost wintery feel. Wouldn't be surprised to hear this track playing in the department stores this December. The song also comes laced with a simple message. Taylor's essentially singing about settling down, having some kids, getting a basketball hoop, maybe living off the grid. She compares this to the excessive and material wants and desires of everybody else.

I'm not blown away by it, but it is endearing a little bit and ushers in, I guess, Taylor's tradwife era. I also sense a little bit of a T-Swizzle flow on the refrain of this track, with Taylor saying, "Bust up, settle down, got a wish list." Again, it's a listenable cut.

What is not very listenable is the following "Wood", which essentially sounds like a Maroon 5 song from the mid to early 2000s. It's a cute enough track about finding love, that initial attraction. But then it just devolves into a bunch of winks and nods about Travis Kelce's dick, with Taylor singing about his "redwood tree" and his "magic wand" and his key that opened up thighs and a "hard rock," and also she was "ah-metized."

You can't say "dick-metized?" You were literally singing about your dick earlier on the album.

Yeah, as much as her heart is in this on some level, I'm sure it is, I don't know if horny is Taylor's forte.

However, I am even more disturbed by the track "Cancelled!" No, I'm not just talking about the lyrics about girlbossing too close to the sun. No, I'm actually way more bothered by the content of these verses, with Taylor talking about how she doesn't care about optics, how she has friends with matching scars and that they live in an underworld, and about how everybody's, at least at some point, taken someone's man, everyone's got bodies in the attic. Also, her talking about learning the art of not getting caught. Not getting caught doing what? What friends are you talking about? What underworld are you living in?

This song is either one of two things. It's either Taylor really building up in a hyperbolic fashion how unlikable and canceled her friend group is, which, in that case, it's just fake and cringe. Or, in the other case, she actually is currently surrounded by some very terrible, awful people, which, how bad are we talking? How many bodies are in the attic? How many men have these people stolen? Have any of these people turned up on the Epstein flight logs?

I'm just saying, in a time and a place where there are some pretty awful people out there not getting repercussions for the terrible things they do out in the open, this is a very strange song to release. It's very out of touch and tone deaf.

After this, "Honey" – I just don't want to or know how to get into because it really is a pointless snoozer of a track. It adds nothing to the album that all the songs previous to it didn't already. It's really just the biggest nothing burger on the record.

Then, we have the closer ["The Life of a Showgirl"], which, in my opinion, is just a weak, weak, weak finale. I mean, some of the instrumental palette changes are cute and definitely give way to that showgirl vibe and aesthetic and angle the album is trying to play. But all these changes, all this building, don't really culminate into a grandiose finish that leaves things feeling worthy of the title The Life of a Showgirl.

I mean, sure, the song is obviously a commentary on fame and performance itself. But honestly, we've been subjected to endless strings at this point from the pop world of many a single, many a record that analyzes exactly that. What does this track bring to the table that all of those other songs and albums didn't already? Not much, outside of a decent Sabrina Carpenter feature. But yeah, unfortunately, truly forgettable ending to an album that starts a lot stronger than it finishes.

That's The Life of a Showgirl, I guess. Sadly, I'm very torn on what Taylor had to offer this time around. In one breath, I really do like that this album was poppier, catchier, punchier, and more direct and to the point. Again, cutting away at the excessive run time of the Tortured Poets Department and all that. But simultaneously, this is some of Taylor's worst writing, lyrically, that she has ever done in her entire career. Worst, tackiest, most out of touch, most childish.

I mean, people have been saying this, and I do tend to agree, that there are songs that she wrote when she was a teenager or in her early 20s that, compared to many songs on this album, are more mature and poetic. But I mean, you don't even need to go back that far. Just look at some of the autobiographical, and otherwise, writing that was all over folklore and evermore. Like just five years ago, Taylor was writing immensely more mature and smarter tracks that had just a lot more depth to their emotions, to their storytelling, to a lot of things, frankly.

Sadly, I feel like this record's biggest issue is that it truly is just dumbed down, which is why I'm feeling a light to decent 4 on this one.

Anthony Fantano. Taylor Swift. Forever.