Hi, everyone. Deepthony Breathtano here, the internet's busiest music nerd, and it's time for a redux review of Sufian Stevens's, Carrie & Lowell.

Yes, a redux review. It is time for something that is a rarity on this channel, something I've only done a few times before, usually when I've had a change of heart on a major or significant record, or when there has been a lot of controversy around a take that I've given. And over the years, Carrie & Lowell has most definitely proven to be one of my more polarizing reviews. I've even had people tell me they'll never forgive me for what I've done to this album, which, I mean, my original review of this album, yes, was not glowing, but it was also far from negative, and I did, and still to this day, do enjoy the album.

But is it my favorite Sufian Stevens album? No. However, I consider myself a fan of the man's music and find him to have such a versatile and wide-ranging discography that there's no possible way that my respect for him as an artist could hinge entirely on one single album. Plus, he's come out with so many records over the years that it's hard to expect that every single one of them is going to evoke the same level or emotion out of any given listener. Like, are critics and fans going as crazy for Illinois as they are his compositional ode to the Brooklyn Queens Expressway? No.

Or even look at the separation and reception between this record and Stevens's new age collaboration with his own stepfather, Lowell Brams, meaning the Lowell that is on this album cover, the Lowell that helped him co-found his record label Asthmatic Kitty. In Rolling Stone, Stevens was quoted as saying that this record was a culmination of all of the history that he had together with this man since he was five, which is an objectively moving piece of backstory to this record, but I didn't have fans ripping my head off over not enjoying this one so much.

However, I get it. There is a much more conventional appeal to the music and storytelling on Carrie & Lowell. It is more direct in its messaging, in its songwriting, in its emotional turmoil. And instrumentally on this record, Stevens is also working with a pretty tried and true indie folk sound, with much of this album's production sounding like a dreamier take on the intimate and soul-bearing of Elliott Smith's early work.

However, looking at the reception of this LP, it's pretty clear that the lyrical content is really the biggest driver of passion behind this project, as the material on this record was written and recorded not too long after Stevens' mother's death. And not only that, but the relationship between Stevens and his mother was reported to have been tense and distant for years.

Now, not every detail of that relationship is spelled out explicitly on this album, but what the songs on this record make clear is that her passing unearthed a lot of feelings of abandonment and a need for proximity and connection with her. And needing your mother is a pretty universal feeling and a heart-wrenching one when you understand the place it's coming from on this album.

Then there's mortality, which is another universal feeling that Stevens is forced to contend with on this record, as numerous songs here see him contemplating his own existence and spirituality.

Since the release of this album, it's also been reported that Stevens was really spiraling at this point in his life personally, which you can really hear in key lyrics of the record, whether he's analyzing his own grief on tracks like "Should Have Known Better", or falling into drugs as a means of escaping from his emotional pain on "No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross". There's also highlights on the album like "Eugene", which feature closing lyrics like, "What's the point of singing songs if they'll never even hear you?" You can also hear Stevens desperately crying out on the track, "Drawn to the Blood": "What did I do to deserve this?"

The feelings and emotions on this record are so clear, so painful, so vivid, so intense. It's not surprising to see that they would resonate with a lot of fans, both immediately and also long after the release of this album.

I presume this was clear going into the review, but I just want to highlight this album is now 10 years old, and part of the reason that I am reviewing and revisiting it is because it has seen now a 10-year anniversary edition release, something that's completely understandable for a record that has pretty much become Sufjan's biggest release to date, not only due to its initial commercial impact, but its longevity has put this album in a place where it's just looming over everything else Stevens has done in his catalog, which, again, is super impressive considering how many albums he's released and how unique this record is in his catalog in terms of the topics and all also just what it sounds like, too. I mean, it was shocking as somebody who came up enjoying Sufjan's music prior to the release of this record. For me, in my mind, it was like really Illinois that was the record to be like his masterpiece, his magnum opus, if you will.

But now it feels like Carrie & Lowell has turned records like that into a footnote in Sufjan's catalog. In the decades since Carrie & Lowell's original release, it's been interesting to see where this record sits in the numerous eras of Sufjan's career, because a lot of projects that came immediately after this album saw him exploring musical modes and ideas that were far less personal, revealing, direct, not so much very clearly in that singer-songwriter pocket. My personal guess is that that shift may have had something to do with Stevens's own feelings on the album and its reception in a way.

Because in a recent NPR interview talking about the album and its 10-year anniversary, Stevens expressed sheer embarrassment around the record and had quite a few negative things to say about it, saying it was an utter miscarriage of bad intentions and even noting that it was rife with self-loathing and misery.

Now, in the grander scheme of things, certainly there are much more awful and embarrassing collections of songs than Carrie & Lowell. I think Steven's emotional state during the time of writing and creating this album, given what he was going through, it is certainly understandable. I mean, it's miraculous that he even had it in him to create and finish an album in the first place. However, I would be lying if I said that I didn't still feel like this album, to me, sounds like Stevens's artistic light was dampened a bit by everything that was going on with him at the time.

As a result of that, in some ways, I see Carrie & Lowell as more of a reflection of his grief than his abilities as as a songwriter and a composer, which I'll remind anybody watching this video that those things are not one and the same. In the wake of this album's release and reviewing it, I have much more preferred hearing a lot of these tracks built out into these extravagant displays in the context of the live tour that Stevens did behind the material on this record. There's also a live album of material from this record that I think sounds quite great. On the 10th anniversary edition of this record, there are also demo versions of tracks like "Should Have Known Better" that has some more colorful arrangements to them. I mean, they're still demos, but still, it gives you a peer into an alternate reality where instrumentally there could have been a different approach.

In addition to that, I would also cite Stevens' recent Javelin record, which personally I think is one of my favorites he's ever done, really one of his best in terms of songwriting and instrumentation, too. That is a record where he also deals very deeply in loss and sadness as well as depression.

Still, with all that being said, there is a lot to love and be moved by on this album, even 10 years later. I do appreciate how clearly this album lays out its sound and intentions right from the start with all of the plucky, acoustic arpeggios and hushed vocals on "Death With Dignity". Because a lot of this record's power comes from beauty and simplicity, even if there are a lot of moments where I'm left wanting a bit more. Stevens framing his music in this way on this record does really force you to deal with everything he's saying on the songs. As on this track, he is very much longing for his mother, which is a persistent theme, obviously, throughout the record. "I forgive you, mother. I can hear you / and I long to be near you / but every road leads to an end / Yes, every road leads to an end."

And with lyrics like this, I feel like we're really starting this record at the finish in a way, because there are a few bars where it's clear Stevens in some way has made peace with what's happened, at least a bit. Still, though, he does dive into regrets that he has around his relationship with his mother deeper into the album, like on "Should Have Known Better" than I mentioned earlier.

Now, subsequent tracks on the record bring more feelings and experiences that make me feel a bit voyeuristic sometimes listening to them over and over and over, especially on "All of Me Wants All Of You" and "Drawn to the Blood", which – I don't love these tracks, but the fact that they are making me feel a very strong reaction certainly does say that there's something to them.

However, the genuinely heartening and also tuneful "Eugene" continues to be one my favorite Sufjan Stevens songs ever, not only because that Subaru line hits every time, but I also love not only just how sentimental a lot of the childhood memories on this track are, but just how well Sufjan is able to draw these to the emotions that he's struggling with today. The emotional intelligence it took to approach all these experiences in such a holistic way is certainly impressive.

Following this, we have "Fourth of July", which is really a major centerpiece on the album, and there's definitely an argument for this being the heaviest and most chilling song on the entire album, not only with how fluidly Sufjan is able to switch into the perspective of his mother singing these assurances every few bars or so, but also the falsetto harmony refrains of "We're all going to die!" at numerous points of the song, especially at the end, still just rings to me as deeply unnerving to this day. Feelings that I think are enhanced by how simple and icy the piano accompaniment on this track is switching away from those warmer and sweeter acoustics.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that the 10-year anniversary edition of this album contains a 14-minute version of this song, much of the run time of which is devoted to this really intense, powerful, and eerie instrumental build, but also a more intense exploration of these, just for me personally, anxiety-inducing falsetto refrains. We're all going to die. Which listening to this track play out in this way really does unearth for me maybe one of the key things that makes this record, though beautiful and though personal and though emotional, slightly off-putting for me, because it's difficult to experience passages like this one, merely as an outside audience member thinking, Oh, that's quite sad isn't it? No. Instead, moments like this hit very personally and feel, frankly, horrifying.

Going into the final leg of the album with the only thing we have, Sufjan essentially contemplating his own will to live and survive with mentions of tearing his eyes out and tearing his arms out. It's just a very interesting juxtaposition to have such violent imagery and self-destruction happening within the confines of this very quaint, acoustic indie folk sound. I could see how a track like this would feel alien to him in retrospect listening to it years later, given how sad and negative and intense these feelings are. Feelings you might have a difficult time relating to again directly once years down the road, you're out of that headspace.

Conversely, "John My Beloved", I find to be a much more interesting analysis of the feelings that Sufjan was going through at the time, especially in a romantic context, given that he does seem to make reference to how these experiences have impacted him as a partner. He also makes a call to Jesus on the back end of this track to eliminate these "fossils" or maybe traumatic experiences and responses in his own head from these feelings.

With the closing track, I find this album to end much in the same way it started, instrumentally and vocally anyway. As far as the themes on this track are concerned, I feel like we get more of a sense of closure from the opening song than we do this final one here, which is something that, again, is understandable given the state Stevens was in when he created this record. Yeah, it's probably not going to have all the details and bells and whistles and clearly cut song structures that his albums might when he's in a healthier mind state. I feel like the many random ambient outros that a lot of these songs are attached to is a signal of that. Only a few of which I'm actually crazy about. Maybe the best one is at the very end of the album where it sounds like we're hearing all these ghostly tones, howling over each other into oblivion.

To finish this video up, I'll be honest and say I went into doing this review and doing my listens to this record, expecting that 10 years later, given all of the pushback on my original coverage of this album, that I would just be blown away listening to this LP, and it would finally maybe click for me in the same way that it does for so many other fans.

And while my appreciation of this record has certainly grown due to its current day context, on top of that, I really loved hearing this album live, which really did make some tracks come to life for me.

But I feel like I would be exaggerating if I came on here and I said, yes, this is my favorite Sufjan album now, and it's the greatest thing I think anybody in indie folk's ever made. Because no, I don't feel that way. And honestly, I would feel awful coming on here to lie, just to get people to like me more. That's not the point of my channel. That's not the point of my reviews. I just wanted to see if my feelings have shifted at all on this album, and they certainly have a little bit, but it's not the night and day difference I was hoping for going into this review, and I don't think there's any reason to interpret that as an invalidation of the feelings that sit at the base of this album, which is why I'm feeling probably a strong 7 to a light 8 on this one today.

Anthony Fantano, Sufian Stevens, Forever.