Hi everyone, Bigthony BlessTano here, the internet's busiest music nerd. It's time for a review of this new Ariana Grande album, Petal.

This is the newest and eighth full-length LP from pop singer and songwriter Miss Ariana Grande, whose last LP dropped back in 2024, and we're getting a pretty quick follow-up here. Quick, considering everything Ariana currently has on her plate. She just got to the finish line with those two new Wicked movies that she did tons of promo and interviews for. She also has that new Meet the Parents sequel that will be dropping soon, starring Ben Stiller. And she's currently touring material from Eternal Sunshine as well — and doing promo for this record too. So, she's really doing a lot right now.

Though, the last Ariana record, Eternal Sunshine, was not anywhere near a favorite of mine in her catalog. It really wasn't doing much to my ears outside of a few standout tracks and this vague attempt at bringing some faint but groovy dance pop elements into the fold. In theory, that's fine, but in practice, it came across as basic and unimaginative in an age where club and Y2K vibes are ruling the dance pop meta. And again, to me it was shocking Ari didn't make more of a splash going in this direction, especially considering her storied vocal talents definitely set her apart from many of her pop contemporaries.

Truth be told, though, there was more discussion about this record with regard to her controversial relationship with Wicked co-star Ethan Slater, who she has now split from, making it even more regrettable that that dynamic was such a lyrical focus during some key moments on this LP.

Considering everything that was going on around the release of this album, a so-so record from Ari at this point is almost excusable. At the very least, it felt more listenable than Positions four years earlier. Given how many irons she's had in the fire over the last several years, maybe it's just a case of having too many creative juices going in too many different directions. And so, with this new album here, I was hoping that if Ariana was going to give us another batch of tracks so soon, she would give it her full, undivided attention and make it feel like a new, definitive chapter in her catalog somehow.

First impressions were promising with "hate that i made you love me", which performed well as a single, features super glossy production that did feel a little soulless at times but did not keep the track from coming across as dramatic and grandiose. Lyrically, the song reads like Ari is really ready to move on to something else, both personally and artistically, as I think the "you" of this track can be read at least in a few different ways.

But after digging deeper into Petal beyond its singles, this record feels just as uninspired and as out of touch as its predecessor. It's really lacking a sense of direction as well as topical inspiration.

In addition to that, I do think Ariana has been done dirty on the production front with this project, too, which is strange because the instrumentation on this album was predominantly handled by none other than Ilya Salmanzadeh and Max Martin, two perfectly competent pop architects who Ariana has worked with before. But, the quality of the mixing and what we're hearing here instrumentally makes me wonder if we are getting leftovers from the last times they were working together extensively. Either that, or working together again so soon has led to a lack of inspiration because there hasn't been enough time to forge a new sound or direction.

Take the opening track ["kiss me"], whose whole sound is completely out of whack for somebody of Ariana's caliber in pop: the drainpipe drums and buzzing synth layers sound like they were sitting a bit too long in the freezer and got frosted over to the point where they've lost all flavor. The only times on this track where Ariana's soft, pillowy voice is able to compete with these hideous, garish layers is when they're layered up and pitched to a point where they sound almost like a MIDI instrument.

The title track, whose backbone is built off of these splashy tank reverb chords, sounds very artificial, very shrill. Meanwhile, these booming kicks and snare rolls are louder than Ari's vocals again, and the hook is guided by these awkward-at-best beat switch-ups that don't transition fluidly at all. The structure of this track is held together with duct tape. The one saving grace of it is the booming, distorted finale and the eerily dark vibes the whole track is able to convey.

But even when Ilya is cooking with gas — mainly with the dance grooves and enveloping synth passages on "oh well" — Ariana's vocals on top of all this, unfortunately, have never sounded so disengaged, emotionless, and smoothed over. It's a shame the emotion doesn't come across because Ariana's writing on this track, the fears and anxieties that she conveys around abandonment and another potential romantic situation blowing up in her face, are totally understandable.

The autotune component on "Freak" is implemented at the start of the track pretty awkwardly and puts Ari's voice on some weird transitional notes that are just off. It comes across unflattering for somebody with her vocal range, and the application is so subtle on a vocal performance that is so quiet and buried in the mix, it's hard to read it as being done purely for effect. By contrast, the application of autotune on "warning signs (interlude)" makes so much more sense. I can hear deeper into the track there is this psychedelic pop odyssey thing going on between the phaser vocal and guitar effects, but simultaneously, the sound of this song is far too thin and hollow to pull that vibe off, too.

Speaking of further production blunders on this record, you also have the entire instrumental, "bad thing," which feels like a throwback, 80s synth-pop crossover Weeknd leftover that just feels so out of place and weird in this track list.

On top of all the issues I have with the instrumentals on this record, the writing is not that much better. For sure, there are some points on this track list where I think Ariana's words can be read more metaphorically, but for the most part, the writing and subject matters on Petal feel even more vapid than what we heard on Eternal Sunshine. Either that, or the sentiments of these songs are just tough to stomach. In the title track, where some bars do legitimately come across as conceited and insecure, Ariana seems to be aware that there is a perception of messiness to her life for the typical outside observer.

And while it's clear she wants to address that to some degree, the only real response she offers on this track is like, "Actually, things are going great! I have more blessings than I can count." I just wish she had more to say on this front.

The video attached to this track has much more interesting commentary to offer with regards to artistry, performing, and conforming to industry and public standards of beauty. But, whatever relationship there is between Ariana and her fame and her label, it's clearly a fraught one, especially considering we do have lyrics here that seem to make it clear that this could be her last record for a while.

"It's bye, this time for real/ Tired of painting endless pictures of a life that isn't mine."

Diving into something like this is infinitely more interesting as a concept and an idea than her 30th song about having someone wrapped around her finger or just very attracted to her, like on "big feelings", obviously. Even if you go with a really wild interpretation of what this song is supposed to be getting at, it doesn't really enhance the listening experience. In fact, a more surface-level read of tracks like this are further reinforced by deeper messaging on the record. For example, on "like i do", the number one takeaway from that track is that nobody fucks this other person like Ariana does.

So of course, he's absolutely gaga for her. Through the writing on "oh well", it's clear that Ariana can't really give up on a lot of her unhealthy coping mechanisms. As she makes it clear, she's self-aware enough to know that something is wrong but doesn't really get into the process of doing anything about it other than, I guess, mining these experiences for creating......activity?

Going even further into the record, of course we have moments where Ariana essentially is getting across the message, "Ha ha ha, you're never gonna get over me!" I'm sorry, is this all this album has to offer? You're 33 years old and achieving some of the coolest things you ever have done in your entire career, and you also just made your way out of this really weird relationship that also drummed up a lot of polarizing discourse. Are there any takeaways or teachable moments from that? I don't know. It's just hard to feel like this album is anything other than boring, honestly. For an artist who clearly has as much going on as Ariana Grande, there's not a lot going on between the many bars and beats of this record.

I do think the album has a beautiful closer, but it's a kind of cold comfort, as I don't think this record is either an improvement on what she did on Eternal Sunshine at all or a new exciting direction.

With the recent announcement that she's going to be stepping back from the public eye for a minute, all I can hope for is that she and her team find some time to reconvene and find a way to smooth over and balance everything that is in orbit around this woman as of late. Maybe they can find a better way to help her achieve her goals with regards to performing, theater, acting, and music while also making sure she's not doing too much all at once so that we're not getting records like this that just feel ill-defined, redundant, and underwhelming. I'm feeling a strong 5 to a light 6 on this record.

Anthony Fantano, Ariana Grande, forever.